wild & free.

I know I need to...but when I'm honest with myself, I don't really want to. Enter into my brokenness. Go towards the darkness. Walk towards the pain. Everything in me sends red flags and loud sirens straight to my heart. A stop sign flashes before my eyes - warning signals all around. Suddenly distractions come at me from every angle. My phone vibrates on the couch. I find my mug of coffee empty (and it was only my first!). My cat curls up next to me, asking for attention. My newest novel sits on the table in front of me, begging to be cracked open.

But I hear the truth sweetly whispering in my ears: Until I finally face the brokenness, I will never experience the healing I so desperately seek. Unless I can admit the loss that has come in this season of change and transition, I will continue to walk around wounded. With my heart bleeding and my soul crying and my mind weakening - making way for the sudden influx of lies and despair that seem to be seeping in.

"Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light." 

- Brené Brown

My friend has this quote tattooed across her side. There, permanently etched in black ink, just about as close to her heart as a tattoo could be. I see it there, from time to time, on beach trips or days spent by the pool. Each time I read it, it makes me sigh with relief and cringe with fear all at the same time.

I also see it on a daily basis - because my friend lives this way as well. Unafraid of her darkness. Confident that by entering in she will once again see and experience the light. She's so very brave, this friend of mine. And simply by living this out in a real and tangible way, she invites me to be just as brave. To face my darkness. Brokenness. Loss.

And to trust that on the other side, there is infinite light awaiting me. There is healing awaiting me. There is wild freedom awaiting me. So I take baby steps - poco a poco and little by little - but with each step I take, my heart grows a little lighter, a little wilder and a little more free.