space.

It was a hot Tuesday night, surrounded by the familiarity of people I have come to love and lights hanging all around us. As we circled up, knees touching touching knees and a plate of brownies passing between us, we invited the Spirit to come and teach us. Mold us. Shape us. And so He did.

Throughout the night, I found myself scribbling down words furiously as the women around me continued discussing. This idea of creating space. Of accepting space. Of longing for space. Of growing into a space.

"We don't feel space; instead we feel uncertainty and ambiguity, followed immediately by feeling forgotten and alone, which slips imperceptibly into despair and anxiety. The bad feelings we run from are actually the very place where love grows."

Many times, space can just feel like emptiness. Dark. Cold. Lonely. Anxious. Unknown. But what if there is something good waiting for me in the space? What if space isn't something to fear but an opportunity to grow into the woman God created me to be? What if space is simply where we get to commune with a holy, loving God? Where we can truly learn God in a way that is different from just the experience of Him?

"The direct pursuit of the divine - the heavenly vision - hunts for an experience with God. But God doesn't want to be experienced. He wants to be known."

Space isn't the problem. What I do with the space God gives is the problem. God is weaving this idea into my life, my heart, the very being of my soul. He is creating in me a whole new identity. Ripping out my old eyes that have only a foggy, looking-only-to-what-is-before-me type of vision and giving me eye that seek after, hunger for the mystery workings of God in the unseen. In the space. Remolding my heart to be anchored to Him, even in the moments where my wild emotions create lies and stories and tell me I am something that I am not. He tugs on the rope of my heart that binds me to Him and pulls me in close. Transforming something deep within me, something that I don't have the words to speak of yet. A Soul transformation that makes me want to run away yet sit still to let the grace of it all wash over me.

Sometimes space is created for us. God longs to be known by us so He will create space for us - whether it's a physical space, a space of time in the day or a space that separates us from our expectations in life. But other times we need to create our own space. A place of holy quiet to truly allow our hearts to listen to His truths. Creating space for God draws us closer to Him.

So I ask myself these questions daily - because it seems too important to not carry this with me wherever I go. Where is God creating space in my life to discover more of Him? To learn Him? To know Him? And where am I creating space in my life for God to move?

Space is not mere emptiness but an opportunity to be filled again by God's goodness. So I will take hold of the spaces in my life and fall into Him.