bruise.

You don't realize it at first, ya know? All the places in your soul that have been wounded. And sometimes its that same little spot that just kept getting bruised over and over and over again. You don't even see that it never had time to heal until your circumstances require that you use that one little bruised piece of your heart - and that's when you realize how deep even the smallest of bruises can go.

But what you don't notice in the moment of the initial sting is that even a simple understanding of the situation doesn't mean the bruise didn't happen. That you can't brush over hurt with one sloppy stroke of reason. That no matter how silly or stupid or small of a disappointment - distracting yourself instead of feeling the weight of it all only proves to deepen the bruise, along with the lies and self pity it creates.

Then it becomes part of your deepest heart level and, even worse, you may not even notice something is terribly wrong. You carry on in your day to day normalcy of life, unaware of the limp in your soul. Unaware of the half-living. Unaware of the carrying of your past into your present.

Recently I discovered a bruise that I thought I had passed over with ease and grace. It was pressed - and hard. I found myself curled up in a web of irrational lies and I forgot. I forgot Whose it is that I am. I forgot Whose heart mine belongs to. I forgot hesed Love. I forgot the promises that are my sure and unshakeable foundation. And in the forgetting, my walls of self protection shot up on every side of me and I suddenly found myself utterly and completely alone. Because that's what happens when we build our walls - we think we are protecting ourselves from harm, hurt, disappointment. Until we finish our constructing and turn around to find ourselves in a self-made prison of isolation. Walls don't block out only the bad - they just as equally block out the good.

And sometimes the only way to find your way back to the light is to walk toward the darkness. So that's what I did, that morning when my bruise was nudged. I wrestled my fears and grieved my losses and cried my sorrows. And I let it all go. Surrendering can heal even the deepest of bruises - because it's in the surrendering that the Healer can place His gentle hands on the thin and weary parts of our souls to breathe life and wholeness back in.