Saturday, January 31, 2015

brave.

I write a lot on this little blog of mine about being brave. Taking risks. Having courage. Showing vulnerability. Feeling emotions. It's really easy for me to write about these things in vague, feel-good, all-inspiring catch phrases. It gets harder when I have to be specific. But I want to grow in bravery.  I want to take risks daily. I want to have real courage. I want to live a true life of vulnerability. I want to feel all there is to feel. And I want to learn to lean into a deeper grace when these things do not happen. When I'm not-so-brave. When I take the easy way out. When I lose my courage. When I pretend to be okay and I'm not. When I shut down out of fear.

So this morning I want to move towards authenticity: What does it mean for me to be brave in the day-to-day ordinaries of life?

{ To be brave is... }

...to have to call my supervisor for help because my car battery died...again.
...to let myself rest for a full Saturday without doing any work.
...to reach out to someone in the middle of a mental breakdown.
...to walk into the American Nicaraguan School.
...to get myself out of bed to run at 5:45 am.
...to tell people in the States I miss them.
...to talk on the phone in Spanish.
...to FaceTime.
...to give a gift I'm not sure someone will like.
...to sit by myself in church.
...to show up to the high school not knowing how many girls want to come to Cabin Time.
...to cry in front of someone else.
...to fill this blog with my own words.
...to dream.
...to help coach basketball when I have no idea what I'm talking about.
...to pray in Spanish.
...to tell someone about a hard day.
...to say no.
...to go to a gas station and ask for brake fluid in Spanish.
...to attempt cooking or baking.
...to set boundaries.
...to get on an airplane.
...to try new foods.
...to post a picture I took & think is pretty on social media.
...to have to say goodbye over and over again.
...to drive somewhere I've never been without a GPS.
...to surrender.
...to kill a spider.
...to ask for help.

Some moments are braver then others, yes. Some moments I fail at being brave, yes. Some moments are walked away from - some moments are embraced and walked into. Being brave, I'm learning, isn't always accomplished in huge, grand gestures. Sometimes it is in the smallest, seemingly ordinary moments of life that true bravery shines through and catapults us deeper into grace.

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