manipulate.

It hit me there, sitting around in a group of 15 other women whom I had known for just over two weeks now. Beth Moore coming through the speakers, recreating the story of Nehemiah with only the scratching of pens heard in the fleeting moments of silence.

"Give Him your heart completely and allow Him to manipulate your thoughts and emotions."

I pause and immediately my guards go up. Manipulate? Allow myself be manipulated by someone or something? It seems so wrong.

I scribble it down, intrigued by the thought but allowing it to pass by focusing on the rest of the study.

It's not until after, hands cramped and mind full, that I look back and allow myself to ponder this thought. In true womanly fashion, we split up to process together. Groups of women sharing their hearts, sharing what was impressed on their soul.

My mind replayed this word in my head: manipulate.

I can't get a grasp on it. It sounds so wrong.

Later, in the quiet of my home, I search the word using one of the most handy websites I know: dictionary.com.

ma-nip-u-late: [muh-nip-yuh-leyt] v. to adapt or change to suit one's purpose. synonyms: shape, wield, form, mold

"Give Him your heart completely and allow Him to adapt or change your thoughts and emotions to suit His purpose."

I'll take it.

But what really struck me fell under the opposite of manipulate. The antonyms:
leave alone
idle

"Give Him your heart completely and He will never leave you alone in your thoughts and emotions."
"Give Him your heart completely and He will never stand by idly and leave you to drown in your thoughts and emotions."

It's a promise, this word manipulate. A promise to shape me, wield me, form me, mold me for the plans and purposes of Jesus. A promise to never leave me alone, to stand by idly.

He always working, this God of mine. Always manipulating this heart to clear away the blemishes, to break away the strongholds.

That same night, after sharing these thoughts, a friend spoke directly into my soul: "Yes. And what happens to clay when it dries up, becomes hard? It breaks. It falls apart when you try to mold it. If we harden our hearts, when God begins to mold...we break."

And I have never been so thankful that, in all His goodness, God's grace covers the inevitable brokenness too.

"Yet O Lord, you are our Father.

We are the clay, you are the potter;

we are all the work of your hand."

-Isaiah 64:8