forgotten.

"Draw upon the resources of My grace." 

My souls breathes this in as if its very life is on the line.

Forgotten. I've forgotten to count.

When I stop counting His grace gifts, the air my soul breathes runs low.

When I forget to count, when I forget to seek, when I forget to truly see through a lens of grace...

I forget everything.

And then, once again, I hear His sweet and gentle voice, an extraordinary Savior in the midst of drowning in the mundane:

"You are my precious and beloved daughter. Nothing can change your standing with Me. I love you and I am always with you, yes even in the ordinary. That's why You must continue to seek My grace gifts - so that you know I am there - waiting in the little details all around you. Open your eyes, My beloved - and see."

My mind wanders to the story in Mark 8 where Jesus led a blind man, by the hand, outside of his village to heal him. I am this blind man, desperate to truly see but unable to see past the distortion, grasping the strong hand of the One who truly heals. First, Jesus puts His healing hands on the blind man, and asks: "Do you see anything?" He responds: "I see people; they look like trees walking around."

"Once more Jesus puts his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight restored, and he saw everything clearly." (v. 25) Sight is grace. But blindness is also grace. Because how can I truly appreciate what it means to see, unless first I am blind. How can I truly know what it means to look through the lens of grace, unless I first confront my distorted vision?

I had forgotten.

But Jesus is always reminding me.

"open your eyes, My beloved - and see."

This is grace.

the big dream.

Wanted to share this great video, set to audio portions of Jim Rayburn's (founder of Young Life) speech "Big Dream" at his final address to the staff in 1970. I love being a part of such an amazing, long-standing ministry that now stretches to over 90 different countries.

"So the big dream stated another way is this: it's a group of people bound together in the single minded purpose that there's no price too high to pay to see to it that young people have a chance to know the Savior." - Jim Rayburn

{click here to view video}

or watch it here!

lately.

Y'all. I was greeted this morning with one of the best texts ever from my teammate:

Happy one month officially in Nica and one year since we both moved to Central America!

Can anyone else believe that it has been that long? This time last year I was hopping on a plane to Costa Rica for one of the most unexpectedly beautiful adventures ever. And this time last month I was hopping on a plane to Nicaragua for round two of said adventure.

I won't lie to you...the first couple of days, I was in what I can only explain to you as "the fog". I slept until 2 PM my first day in Nica. Waking up, I remember sitting on my bed, not exactly sure which way was up, saying to myself over and over:

"I just moved to Nicaragua."

I am not sure if I even remember those first days in the country because looking back I feel like I was just a zombie going through the motions. But one night, as I was falling asleep, I asked God for clarity and told Him I was ready to face reality. And the next morning, I could actually think clearly! "The fog" was lifted.

All that to say, Nica living has definitely been filled with many different types of adventures. Like the adventures of opening a bank account (in Spanish), car shopping, learning directions, phone plans, getting used to a different type of currency, making new friends, attempting to decipher the Nica-Spanish accent...the list goes on and on.

And so lately, life has been spent on a lot of "figuring out". Figuring out how to do life somewhere new is a big task and one that will continue, I am sure,
through the next days, months, years, ect.

So while I continue to figure it all out over here, I thought I'd share some pics of what I have been up to lately...enjoy!

Valentine's Day "cabin time" (aka campaigners aka Bible study) with some of the Central Managua chicas.

Jen and I's alter-egos at Young Life club...the Duck Tape Sisters. (we may or may not have made entire outfits out of duck tape...) 

Young Life leader retreat with our student and adult leaders...at the beach! (I know, I know - rough life.)

Publicizing our first Young Life club of the year at the high school...

...Russian Family Olympics club! (hence the mustaches in previous picture)

manipulate.

It hit me there, sitting around in a group of 15 other women whom I had known for just over two weeks now. Beth Moore coming through the speakers, recreating the story of Nehemiah with only the scratching of pens heard in the fleeting moments of silence.

"Give Him your heart completely and allow Him to manipulate your thoughts and emotions."

I pause and immediately my guards go up. Manipulate? Allow myself be manipulated by someone or something? It seems so wrong.

I scribble it down, intrigued by the thought but allowing it to pass by focusing on the rest of the study.

It's not until after, hands cramped and mind full, that I look back and allow myself to ponder this thought. In true womanly fashion, we split up to process together. Groups of women sharing their hearts, sharing what was impressed on their soul.

My mind replayed this word in my head: manipulate.

I can't get a grasp on it. It sounds so wrong.

Later, in the quiet of my home, I search the word using one of the most handy websites I know: dictionary.com.

ma-nip-u-late: [muh-nip-yuh-leyt] v. to adapt or change to suit one's purpose. synonyms: shape, wield, form, mold

"Give Him your heart completely and allow Him to adapt or change your thoughts and emotions to suit His purpose."

I'll take it.

But what really struck me fell under the opposite of manipulate. The antonyms:
leave alone
idle

"Give Him your heart completely and He will never leave you alone in your thoughts and emotions."
"Give Him your heart completely and He will never stand by idly and leave you to drown in your thoughts and emotions."

It's a promise, this word manipulate. A promise to shape me, wield me, form me, mold me for the plans and purposes of Jesus. A promise to never leave me alone, to stand by idly.

He always working, this God of mine. Always manipulating this heart to clear away the blemishes, to break away the strongholds.

That same night, after sharing these thoughts, a friend spoke directly into my soul: "Yes. And what happens to clay when it dries up, becomes hard? It breaks. It falls apart when you try to mold it. If we harden our hearts, when God begins to mold...we break."

And I have never been so thankful that, in all His goodness, God's grace covers the inevitable brokenness too.

"Yet O Lord, you are our Father.

We are the clay, you are the potter;

we are all the work of your hand."

-Isaiah 64:8