gracefully.

"Die gracefully."

Words chosen so carefully and spoken so clearly.

This speaker with her voluminous hair and trendy glasses and adorable outfit.

At first glance and with preconceived notions, it might be easy to tune her out. Write her off.

But she spoke with such eloquent realness, I could not.

"Die gracefully."

These words kept ringing in my ears, much like the obnoxious fly buzzing currently around my head.

I had to find out what she meant.

She centered her stories and realness around Philippians 1:21.

The words of Paul read: "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."

I couldn't drink it in fast enough.

I am reminded of a recently read quote by Dr. Larry Crabb.

"As we walk a path that seems to lead toward death, a sense of life quietly grows within us."

To die is to gain.

By death, he means gain.

By gain, could he mean grace?

And once again, I'm floored by this sudden realization.

"Die gracefully."

I try to make it all fit in my head.

I am still trying to make it all fit.

When we walk towards our brokenness, we die.

We die to our pride and self-protection and fear and we let something new and wholesome take over.

Grace.

So what feels like death, is really grace.

What feels like death, is actually life.

What feels like death, is truly freedom.

And I wonder how many times I have to learn this lesson.

How many different ways does He have to show me before I get it?

But I hope He never stops showing me because this is a lesson I cannot live without.

"Die gracefully."

And each day, in the midst of the dying and in the midst of the disappointments and in the midst of this life, His graces show up.

And I slowly see: I cannot truly live without first dying.