"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our LORD Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of glory of God. Not only so, but because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has pour out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."
-Romans 5:1-5
It's all connected.
Grace. Disappointment. Joy. Suffering. Hope.
It's all intertwined, each cannot truly exist without the other. Each thread spinning from the same spool. It's a beautiful, tangled, grace-filled mess. This idea of stepping into suffering in order to step into true joy. We cannot have one without the other.
But we can sure try. We can mask the pain and disappointment life brings. We can even have moments of joy in the midst of it all. But to live in the true, full, Christ-like joy, we must turn around and face the filth and dirt and pain and hardships life has brought us.
True joy can sometimes hurt. But, as Ann VosKamp wrote, "Joy and pain, they are but two arteries of the one heart that pumps through all those who don't numb themselves to really living."
How long have I been "numbing myself" to the full life, out of fear of the unknown or pain or rejection?
But we can sure try. We can mask the pain and disappointment life brings. We can even have moments of joy in the midst of it all. But to live in the true, full, Christ-like joy, we must turn around and face the filth and dirt and pain and hardships life has brought us.
True joy can sometimes hurt. But, as Ann VosKamp wrote, "Joy and pain, they are but two arteries of the one heart that pumps through all those who don't numb themselves to really living."
How long have I been "numbing myself" to the full life, out of fear of the unknown or pain or rejection?
And then there's this word hope. Recently, a friend wrote to me, "I am scared to hope in God because I realize that doesn't prevent pain and suffering - so why would I?"
But isn't the answer in the question? Hoping doesn't prevent. But hoping opens us up to truly living and truly feeling and truly rejoicing.
And this is why in Romans 5:5, Paul tells us "And hope does not disappoint us." It doesn't disappoint us because we were made to feel- all of it! We were created to have emotions. But by feeling some emotions and stuffing the ones that hurt, I am robbing myself of the gift to be able to stand on grace. (Romans 5:2) So I must, we must, enter into the pain, disappointments, hardships of the past, present, future - because without this entrance, fear wins. Without this entrance, we sell ourselves short. Without this entrance, we miss out on so much of what life with Christ could be.
But isn't the answer in the question? Hoping doesn't prevent. But hoping opens us up to truly living and truly feeling and truly rejoicing.
And this is why in Romans 5:5, Paul tells us "And hope does not disappoint us." It doesn't disappoint us because we were made to feel- all of it! We were created to have emotions. But by feeling some emotions and stuffing the ones that hurt, I am robbing myself of the gift to be able to stand on grace. (Romans 5:2) So I must, we must, enter into the pain, disappointments, hardships of the past, present, future - because without this entrance, fear wins. Without this entrance, we sell ourselves short. Without this entrance, we miss out on so much of what life with Christ could be.
I have spent so many years missing out because I am scared of brokenness. But as the Lord is working and teaching and revealing, I feel the joy seeping back in. It fills me, this joy, like the first sip of water I've had in days. And it frees me.
Entering the places that chain us sets us free. The pain of brokenness liberates.
And so I keep walking, one foot in front of the other, into the ugly places of my life - hoping in the promise that on the other side, there will be something beautiful.
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