snapshots: {pt. 1}

For those of you wanting a little piece of life here in Nica...here is part one. More to come!

because who could ever tire of this view?

Nica pineapple.

journal & agua.

"coffee & the Word"

my alarm clock (the sun) & air conditioning (the fan).

porch.

Mr. Raccoon...living the dream.

Sirius.

life.

"Lord, thank you for the rain and that it gives life" she prayed.

Heads bowed all around that circle, I hear the murmuring of agreement. Like a perfectly cued chorus, the rain grows stronger around us: the melody echoing off the tin roof, engulfing us in its musical notes…singing out to us, singing life to us.

Rain gives life.
Grace like rain.
Grace like rain gives life.

The earth could not survive without rain. We cannot survive without grace.

The earth can teach me: the way earth, eager to receive, soaks it all in. Allowing the rain to embed itself deep down. Allowing the rain to saturate so that even the hardest places become soft and malleable. The earth drinks in the rain, welcomes the floods.

Because the earth knows something I am failing to learn: rain - deep rooted rain - brings life.

And so it is with grace.

Yet, at most, I simply acknowledge its existence. I brush a sloppy mess of thanksgiving over these daily graces and move on. And all the while my hardened heart, unsatisfied, wanders and seeks something more.

But what if I let this song of grace pour over me daily? Washing me in its extravagant harmony of love, forgiveness, kindness, mercy. Wooing me gently to open my hands, my heart, to accept. To give in. To let it take me over. It might ruin me in the most beautiful way possible.

Yet this is a risk I am willing to take.

on plane anxiety & adventures.

I heard something about flying once: the first 60 seconds are the most dangerous of the entire flight. There is the most potential in those first 60 seconds for something to go terribly wrong. And so with every flight, as the wheels lift off the ground, I count.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…

Never do I talk to myself more in those first ten seconds. "Everything's fine. Everything's fine."

7, 8, 9, 10…

As the plane accelerates into the lower atmosphere, the hot flashes begin.

11, 12, 13, 14, 15…

Turn the AC knob full blast towards my face.

16, 17, 18…

Remember to breathe. In & out. In & out.

19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26…

Just when I think I'm in the clear, that stomach-tossing, breathe-taking turbulence begins.

27, 28, 29, 30…

The counting gives me something to focus on other then the eminent crashing of the plane.

31, 32, 33, 34, 35…

Anxiety continues to rise.

36, 37, 38, 39…

The calm & collected voice of the airline attendant begins to list the complimentary in-flight beverage options.

40…

A sudden jerk of the plane renders my eyes back to the window to make sure we aren't plummeting.

41, 42, 43, 44...

Slow sips of water.

45, 46, 47, 48…

The clouds begin to cover the windows, leaving my brain without a grounded spot on which to concentrate.

49, 50…

Not sure if I'll make it at this point.

51, 52, 53…

I'm sure I am on the verge of an anxiety attack. I illegally turn my music on before the suggested cruising altitude in a attempt to soothe my mind.

54, 55…

Count. Breathe. Listen. Count. Breathe. Sing along. Count. Breathe. Ears pop.

56, 57, 58, 59…

And just when I am about to turn to the person next to me with tear filled eyes, we emerge.

60.

And the sight from the window is something magical. Those cotton candy clouds beneath us give off a child-like joy and simplicity. The marvelous majesty of being above the clouds is one I hope to never take for granted. They calm me. And though I am 30,000 feet above the ground, I find solace in their beauty.

And isn't this the way it goes in adventures? Those first steps, those first 60 seconds, those first days - they hold so much fear and anxiety and uncertainty and we aren't sure if we are going to make it. Fear can be so real, it suffocates. Anxiety so present, it stops us in our tracks.

But the real adventurers are the ones who risk. The real adventurers are the ones who push through the "what-if's". The real adventurers are the ones who don't let those first 60 seconds deter them. Because it is the life of adventure that draws me closer to who I was created to be. Big, small, life changing, simple, life long dreams, short term goals…God truly writes the best adventures. The question is - am I willing to take those first steps, walk through those first 60 seconds to find out what the adventure might hold?

I want to be a real adventurer: who allows no fear to lay hold, no anxiety to control - who allows the hard adventures to shape and mold while letting the sweet adventures comfort and strengthen.

Because I do know one thing for sure about adventures: they are always filled with grace.

January 15th marked yet another momentous occasion in the life of this South Carolinian…I officially, finally, after years of fundraising and studying Spanish and working out the details, moved to Nicaragua! Thanks to all who have prayed, funded, supported, cheered and encouraged me to get to this point. I am confidant that the Lord has gone before me in this move and it preparing the way for me. And so the Nicaraguan adventure begins…more stories to come!

(click to enlarge)

quotes.

Life is always crazy. But it is especially crazy when you come back to the States for two weeks (plus a week of training) after being gone nearly a year. So to hold you over until I can get back to Nicaragua and into the writing rhythm, here are some quotes that have spoken to me over these last weeks. Hopefully, they will speak to you as well…some food for thought, if you will.

"...maybe we don't find a lot of answers to life's tougher questions, but if we find a few true friends, that's even better. They help you see who you truly are, which is not always the loveliest possible version of yourself, but then comes the greatest miracle of all - they still love you."

"Pretending that things are nicely boxed up and put away robs us of great riches."

"When a vocation fits who we are, by living it we feel ourselves growing into a stronger, truer self, even though the going gets rough and at times we feel confused and tired. The kind of "tired" we feel is worth noting. It is not that heavy, sad fatigue we carry around like a low-grade fever, a form of depression. Life work demands genuine expenditure. We spend ourselves, maybe exhaust ourselves. But the energy flowing out of us feels natural. Just the opposite of feeling pulled at by others, who have their own ideas about what we ought to be doing. When we let this happen, we feel resentful and cranky and sad."

"Hope is really about rest. Resting in the imperfections of today because you believe that tomorrow there is possibility."

"Beauty is a miracle of things going together imperfectly."

froze.

This is how it feels to come back to the States for Christmas after living in a tropical climate for 10 months.

Forever cold.

turbulence.

Clouds bounced around outside my window in their own playground, their own world, without a care. It was almost as if they were calling me to join them: to simply come and rest happy.

Grace gifts - these clouds of mine. And mine they had become as they accompany me on my travels back to the place I know (or knew) so well. Sailing smoothly through the upper atmosphere my nerves were surprisingly calm, considering the amount of anxiety normally experienced in flight. And I was almost fooled into thinking I had conquered my arch enemy of turbulence as we began our descent.

I did not realize how wrong I was until these clouds of mine turned on me, covering the view from my window - my one source of security at 35,000 feet above the ground. And the bumping and jerking and stomach dropping and sweating and holding as tightly as possible to the arm rest came. Just keep breathing, I remind myself. Breathe in. Breathe out. And then, a Voice.

That tiny Voice from the depth of my soul that so often only whispers. It claims over the voice of fear: "Ella, I've got you." And in that moment, the emotions and reality of life flooded in and I could not stop the tears from flowing. Because I realized, then and there, even in the turbulence that is life, He's got me. His is a love that is forever.

And a peace spread over me, like a warm blanket covering in the cold of night. All the ups and downs and curves and punches and doubts, all the grace giving laughter and heart tearing tears of life: He's got them. So I simply come to His feet and I rest happy in His grace because what else can I do with this Love that holds me so close to His heart.