fully.

Standing before the wide span of endless blue, I watched as the sun danced and glistened across the ocean's endless, rolling waves. My breathing had steadied and sweat dripped slowly down my face - signs of a morning run on the beach well spent. Wiggling my toes in the sand, I was mesmerized by the salty water that slowly crept up and covered my now bare feet - only to quickly fall back into the ocean's depths. The desire to be completely immersed in the cool, sparkling water overcame me with such force, I took a few more steps without realizing it. Something was compelling me towards the water...but something as equally as strong was stopping me.

"I won't have time to wash these clothes before I leave in a few hours."

"Who knows what dangerous sea creature is lurking under these waves."

"These people will think I'm crazy for jumping in with all my clothes on."

The list continued in my head, all the logical reasons why I shouldn't move forward. But I realized it, right there at the water's edge: I won't be satisfied with just my feet in the water. 

And doesn't life work that same way? We will never be fully satisfied when we sit back and watch life pass us from the sidelines. From behind our walls. From safe ground. Life was created to be experienced, felt, grasped, risked - all of it. Yes, even the heart-breaking or unexpected or misunderstood pieces.

For days, this question as been rolling around in my mind: How in the world do we keep our hearts soft and open in a world that only seems to continually crush us under it's unexpected twists and turns and hurts and pains and disappointments? How do we over and over again put ourselves out there only to be rejected, criticized, belittled, underestimated, shot down? It's terrifying.

But one thing I know for sure: I will never be fully satisfied with only my feet in the water.
I will never fully live if I watch life from the safety of the sidelines.
I will never fully love if I hide behind the walls of self protection.
I will never be fully me if I shape myself to conform to other's expectations.

It's worth the risk. Always.

So I moved forward that morning the same way I must keep moving forward in each step of life - I walked through the fear of the unknown, through the logical list of why's, through the expectations of others - and I dove into an ocean of steadfast Love.