three.

Three years passes faster then I ever imagined it would. It seems like an eternity and a flash all at once. How can so much emotion and experience be wrapped up and woven into a mere three years?

It was three years ago on February 15th that I packed my bags and moved to Costa Rica for language school before my final destination: Nicaragua. How strange it is to think of that person - all her hopes and dreams and expectations - on the verge of something great yet still hiding behind a wall of fear - who she was and who she hoped to be - how she has evolved over the past three years.

I wouldn't want it any other way. These past three years have played out in every way I would never imagine yet in the same breathe has been everything I hoped it would. Still, there are some things that are part of my "normal" now that I would not have imagined in my wildest dreams those three long years ago...

1. I would never run a red light at night, even if there are no cars around. But in my normal, it is actually safer to pass through a red light late at night than it is to stop. { sorry, mom... }

2. I would never fall asleep if I wasn't sleeping under a blanket. But there are some months that I literally don't have to make my bed for weeks at a time because it is just too hot to climb under the sheets. I literally fall on top of my bed and call it a night.

3. I would never buy { insert insanely high amount of money } on { insert imported item from the US }. Bag of frozen strawberries for $15 dollars? Cheese for $10? Salad dressing for $6? Box of Cheerios for $20? { I've never gone box of Cheerios level before...but I've been tempted. }

4. I would never think about washing my feet before getting into bed. The dry season brings its own storm of dust over Managua. Everywhere you touch is layered with the lightest film of black dirt. Computer, table, food sitting out, bed, floor. Forgot to put on shoes while walking around the house? Feet rinsing before bed becomes a necessity.

5. I would never use my car horn on a daily basis. If I didn't use my car horn, I would get no where in life. Or in Nicaragua.

6. I would never have become addicted to the deliciousness that is a hot cup of Latin American black coffee. Previous to moving, I only drank coffee if it consisted of sugar, ice, whipped cream and a blender. While I still enjoy the occasionally icy, sweet goodness - nothing does my soul good as a pipping hot cup of black café, straight from La Finca.

7. I would have never hung my laundry on a line - and enjoyed doing it. Although we do have a dryer { I'm not a martyr, people. } I generally only use it for certain instances. Something about hanging clothes out on a line makes me feel like I've made it. { see this post for more details }

8. I would never wake up before 6am to start my day. Ever. But if I'm gonna keep my sanity and run three times a week, waking up before 6am is perfectly acceptable. And the only time it's cool enough out to run without dying of a heat stroke. And the sun is up at 5:30am anyways, so unless you have some good black out curtains, you're up.

9. I would never eat rice and beans for breakfast. Two words: Gallo pinto. That is what this delicious mix is called and it is everything. Breakfast or dinner or both. Yum.

10. I would never have to take two showers in one day simply because it is so hot that everyday chores and activities make it seem like you just sat in a sauna for two hours. But there are months that two showers are not only a nice treat - they are needed to survive.

love.

How do I even begin to describe the kind of love I have for these people? It seems impossible but I must try.

This group of people who are so different then me - yet love me deeply despite my differences. Despite my cultural ignorance. Despite my frustrations and high emotions and general craziness. Despite my poor Spanish, my constant tiredness, my misunderstandings. Despite my craziness, my embarrassing moments, my terrible dancing. Despite the fact that they have known a deep poverty that I will never truly wrap my mind around. Despite the suffering they have passed through 

- homeless, abandoned, abuse, living in cars, lack of food, broken families, molestation, rejection from church, unsure sometimes of where their next meal would come from - 

the kind of brokenness and despair I have never experienced. 

These people - my people - love so whole heartedly, so unconditionally. They all too often are the arms and feet and eyes and words of Jesus for me. They speak such deep wisdom. They share such wide joy. In the midst of the deep darkness they came from - they shine with the light of Jesus. Through their words and actions hope unfolds before me, sunlight dancing across the weary shadows of my soul.

How do I even begin to describe the kind of love I have for these people? Well, I begin by describing their love for me. I begin by telling their individual stories of pain and suffering and how Jesus reached out to them and touched their lives. I begin to tell you how their contagious joy touches the depths of my soul when I need it most. Oh, they don't even know.

As I sat on my flight, I opened the note. I read what each person had written and I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my face. My love for them grows even deeper as their words of truth and love touch the inmost parts of my heart. They heal me - these words of grace.

Without even knowing it, these people, these friends, this family - they pick up little pieces of my heart and glue them back together. And with each piece that finds its place again - love grows.