worlds.

It's enough to make my head spin, this twelve hour turn over between worlds.

World One: La Finca. All spanish. Unfamiliar food. Tired mind. Vida Joven. Unadulterated joy. Deep peace. Deep sadness. Deep hurt. Deep healing. Many classes. Truth spoken. Rest had. Friendships strengthened. Laughter abundant. Heart familia. Impoverished culture. This kind of world that makes you slow and reflect. This world that causes such a deep dependence on Jesus. This world I so easily belong to, yet so easily stand out. This world that has pushed me and challenged me and strengthened me and broken me.

World Two: Pristine order. Shocking cleanliness. All english. Hustle and bustle. A sigh of relief. Overwhelming options. My roots. Heart language. Heart friendships. Unconditional love. My family. Deep comfort. Thrilling and flashing lights of Christmas all around. Familiar sights. Favorite things. Chik-fil-a. This world that excites me yet scares me all at once. This world of my roots, my veins, my blood. This world that shaped me for 23 years of my life. This world that I so easily belong to yet so easily stand out. This world that has pushed me and challenged me and strengthened me and broken me.

It always comes quickly and unexpectedly - this change of worlds. In a flash, it seems, I move from one to the other. In a blink of the eye, I'm here then there. Forever suspended between two worlds that have so deeply shaped who I am. With one the process was long and slow and deep, The other, it was sudden and swift and deep. But they equally hold a special place in my heart. How could I ever choose between two worlds - so unique yet so impactful? I can't. And I won't. I'll just keep in the present, in the suspended place of surrender and unknown between each world, fully investing wherever I am.

In mere hours I move from one to another. Not easily, mind you - but quickly still. Missing what I've left behind, yet yearning for what is ahead. Two worlds, converging together in the depths of my heart to make something unique and true and fascinating happen. Instead of dividing my heart between the two, strangely it unites it in a unique and beautiful dance - the two worlds colliding into a big, sloppy mess. But it's my mess. And tangled up in the deep mess within me is a deep kind of Love I could never experience otherwise. He tangles Himself up into this sloppy union of worlds within me. And in this tangling of Light in the deep confusion - here is where I feel at home. Here is where I feel a deep presence of Jesus. Here is where peace interjects itself into the tension. Here is where I see grace more deeply, more fully, more radically.

"I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us."

Papa.

{ I had the honor of saying a few words at my grandfather's memorial service today. It seems only appropriate to share these words here. }

Many of y’all here today know Dr. Julian Alexander Salley in a unique way. I’m sure each person here has a different story or memory that highlights the various faucets of his life. I like to think I am one of the eight lucky ones because I got the privilege of knowing him as Papa, my grandfather. Something incredible about Papa - something I don’t think I truly grew to appreciate until later in life - was that he took every opportunity he could to teach the eight of us. Whether it was how to shuffle a deck of cards, hook a worm, reel in a fish, shoot a gun, have appropriate table manners, ride a wave, water ski behind the boat, appreciate a sunrise over the ocean, look up from our cell phones, swing a golf club, eat a lobster in its entirety or watch the birds come in at High Creek. Sometimes it was how not to text and drive, ride a motorcycle or get a tattoo. The list is truly endless.

But I believe the most important and precious thing Papa taught his grandchildren wasn’t through these little lessons of wisdom and adventure. Without even knowing it, Papa taught us how to love.

We watched him love his patients and the people he worked with - listening to countless stories from people all over South Carolina when they discovered we were related to the famous Dr. Salley.

We watched him love his daughter-in-laws as if they were his own - always opening his home, his dinner table, his vacations, his knowledge and his his arms to them.

We watched him love his sons - celebrating each of life’s milestones with them, unconditionally cherishing each of their strengths and weaknesses and always pushing them to be the best version of theirselves.

Papa never looked more alive then when he was surrounded by his family.

But most of all, we watched Papa love his bride, Granny Kat. We watched him love her deeply and truly. We watched him take care of her and listen to her. We watched him hold her hand at every opportunity and kiss her check whenever he could. We watched him open doors for her, serve her and walk by her side - literally as they walked down the beach or through the fields of High Creek and figuratively as they walked through all of life’s many joys and disappointments together. Granny Kat was truly Papa’s other half.

As we celebrate the life of this brave man today, I am able to smile through the tears knowing a piece of him remains with us - not only in the stories and memories of every person gathered here but also in the unending wisdom, life-giving smile and beautiful heart of our grandmother, Granny Kat.

We love you so much Papa. Thank you for all you’ve taught us. You are dearly missed.